Saturday, August 31, 2013

Cyberbullying



Reviewed by: Michelle New, PhD--Kid's Health
Leigh was in eighth grade when the mean messages started. The emails, texts, and posts got worse. It was so bad that she eventually changed schools.
Leigh says she has come through the experience more self-aware and compassionate toward others. It was a terrible time, she says, but with some counseling and support from adults and friends, she was able to make sense of what happened to her.
Most people know about cyberbullying. Here are some suggestions on what to do if you, or someone you know, is involved.

What Counts as Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is the use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. Online threats, rude texts, and mean tweets, posts, or messages all count. So does posting personal information or videos designed to hurt or embarrass someone else.
Cyberbullying also includes photos, messages, or pages that don't get taken down, even after the person has been asked to do so. In other words, it's anything that gets posted online and is deliberately intended to hurt.
In some situations, cyberbullying is considered harassment.Intimidation or mean comments that focus on things like a person's gender, religion, sexual orientation, race, or physical differences fall into this category. Whether it's done in person or online, this type of meanness counts as discrimination and is against the law in many states. That means law enforcement could get involved, and bullies may face serious penalties.
Some schools or other organizations might make a distinction between bullying and harassment. That's because of legal differences and definitions. But to the person being harassed or bullied, there's no real difference — it's painful to go through, no matter what you call it.
Online bullying can be particularly damaging and upsetting because it's usually anonymous or hard to trace. People can be tormented on a 24/7 basis — anytime they check their phone or computer. Sometimes, they might not know what's being said behind their backs or where the meanness is coming from.
Online bullying and harassment can be easier to commit than other acts of bullying because the bully doesn't have to confront his or her target in person.
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Friday, August 30, 2013

A Blog as Therapy for Teenagers



By PAMELA PAUL~New York Times
THE SOURCE “The Therapeutic Value of Adolescents’ Blogging About Social-Emotional Difficulties,” by Meyran Boniel-Nissim and Azy Barak.
IN the days before the instantly pinged “OMG Where R U?,” the first words many teenagers composed during their fretful moments were “Dear Diary.” After several paragraphs of spewing onto paper adolescent angst about cafeteria slights, unreciprocated crushes and oversize thighs, the diarist often felt better.
Research has long backed the therapeutic value of diary-keeping for teenage girls and boys. But according to a new study, when teenagers detail their woes onto a blog, the therapeutic value is even greater. Blogging, it seems, can be good for you.
The study, published in the journal Psychological Services and conducted by Meyran Boniel-Nissim and Azy Barak, psychology professors at the University of Haifa, Israel, found the engagement with an online community allowed by the blog format made it more effective in relieving the writer’s social distress than a private diary would be.
To track teenagers’ experiences with blogging, the researchers randomly surveyed high school students in Israel and selected 161 of them (124 girls and 37 boys, a significant gender skew) who exhibited some level of social anxiety or stress. The teenagers, who averaged 15 years old, said they had difficult making new friends or relating to their existing friends.
And so to the Internet. The teenagers were divided into six groups. The first two groups were asked to blog about their social difficulties, with one group asked to open their posts to comments. The second two groups were asked to blog about whatever struck their adolescent fancy; again, with one group allowing comments. All four groups were told to write in their blogs at least twice a week. As a control, two more groups were told to keep either an old-fashioned print diary or to do nothing at all.
All of their blog entries were then pored over by four psychologists to determine the authors’ relative social and emotional state. In all the groups, the greatest improvement in mood occurred among those bloggers who wrote about their problems and allowed commenters to respond.
Interestingly, the commenters on the blogs were overwhelmingly supportive. “The only kind of surprise we had was that almost all comments made by readers were very positive and constructive in trying to offer support for distressed bloggers,” Dr. Barak wrote in an e-mail.
The findings may hold in the real virtual world as well. “I definitely write posts in which I talk about being overwhelmed, and it helps me to relax,” said Royar Loflin, a 17-year-old blogger from Norfolk, Va., who did not participate in the study. Though her blog, “My Life as a Young Southern Prep,” includes everything from fashion to book reviews, Royar also writes about the stress of her junior year.
“People will write in the comments, ‘I remember when I was in your shoes’ ” and ‘Don’t worry — you’ll get through the SATs!’ and it’s wonderful,” she said. “It really helps put everything into perspective.”
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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Music Therapy for Troubled Teens


Music therapy uses music and songs as therapeutic tools to help teens heal by encouraging self-expression and self-awareness.
A music therapist trained to help a teen deal with troubling problems or behaviors through the use of music facilitates this process. Music is used in various ways such as writing songs, listening to the lyrics of specific songs or discussing how particular music changes the way a teen is feeling.
Music appeals to many teens who discover that the words in popular songs often express their own feelings and experiences. Teens tend to gravitate to music describing what they are feeling and what is important to them.
Examples of How Music Therapy Helps a Troubled Teen:
  • Singing along with the lyrics of a song provides the healthy release of painful or difficult emotions
  • Soothing music helps an anxious teen to relax
  • Discussing the violent lyrics of a song helps an angry teen express his rage
  • Upbeat music helps a depressed teen improve her mood
  • Writing new lyrics to a song helps identify the reasons for feelings of sadness
Music therapy is one of several types of expressive therapies that help troubled teens gain self-understanding and learn better ways to cope with their lives.
For more information visit:

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Art Therapy Ideas for Teen Recovering Drug Addicts





 By Jaime Budzienski~livestrong.com
Teens recovering from drug addiction often benefit from art therapy, which has been used at treatment centers since the early 1900s. Creating art allows teens to express what's going on in their minds -- and helps the therapist get a better grasp on what they're feeling. Looking at the art together, and talking about it, helps teens in recovery express what may be difficult for them to say in words, according to Inspirations Youth, a drug rehabilitation family for teens. Self-discovery, personal fulfillment, empowerment, and relaxation and stress relief are among the many benefits of art therapy, it notes.



Creative Writing

Creative writing can be an effective form of art therapy, according to Treatment 4 Addiction, an online recovery resource directory. This type of writing calms the mind, and keeps a teen's focus on the writing, not other distractions or feelings that might be weighing them down. After a story or poem is finished, it can be read in a group setting or to a therapist, and then explored together. Often, the therapist will evaluate the writing by looking for metaphors and analogies in the tones, themes, settings, or behaviors the main character is engaging in. The stories and poems created by teens provide an outlet for their emotions and provide material for the therapist to make an evaluation.

Dramatic Role Play

Role-playing is another commonly used art therapy activity, according to Treatment 4 Addiction. Typically, teens play themselves, and other members of the group play family members. Together, they act out circumstances that occurred in the past, and through acting, show how teens and their families reacted. The teens then express to the group how they would deal with the dynamic now that they're in recovery, and what they would say to their family. This is often something they wouldn't feel comfortable expressing outside of a role-playing event. This type of exercise gives recovering teens a sense of peace and an image of what their family dynamic could potentially become with progress.

 Personal Music Album
Having teens create their own CD representing their lives can be a powerful vehicle of expression, according to an article in "Publications in Assessment and Treatment Activities for Children, Adolescents, and Families," edited by Liana Lowenstein, a licensed clinical social worker. Recovering teens are given an empty plastic CD case, construction paper, markers and colored pencils. Then they choose a title, design and playlist, either creating fictitious titles or real songs that have meaning -- or a combination of the two. Because teens tend to respond strongly to music and it plays a significant role in their lives, they're often able to express a range of emotions through their song selections. Through a teen's choices, the therapist is able to gather information about her present life and her past, and strengthen the therapeutic relationship.


Magazine Collage

Creating a collage out of magazine photos is widely used in art therapy because it's such a forgiving medium, according to an article at "Psychology Today." With collage, teens who might be intimidated by pencils, paint or clay don't have to worry about their final product looking childlike. Making a collage allows teens to tell a story, and create a visual narrative that serves to foster a dialogue about their struggles. This activity can be as simple as teens collecting and arranging pictures that may catch their eye, or more complex and surrounding a particular theme such as What My Life Looks Like in Recovery or There is Always Hope.


For more information go to: http://www.livestrong.com/article/1006587-art-therapy-ideas-teen-recovering-drug-addicts/#ixzz2dHVqeD3B
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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Grassroots Teen Peer Support on Twitter




You’ve seen Charles Schulz‘s classic Peanuts cartoon featuring Charlie Brown seated in front of Lucy at a makeshift stand with a sign reading “Psychiatric Help: 5 cents.” He tells her his problems and she gives bad advice. It’s funny, in a comic strip.

But in real life, what are the consequences?
On Twitter, there’s a new upsurge in accounts from teens offering counseling to their peers. Peers who are suicidal, who have eating disorders, who self-harm, withdepression and anxiety and social issues. Young people who tweet about how much they want to cut after being bullied on Facebook.

These are serious issues warranting professional attention, but for many reasons they aren’t getting it. Instead they are offering help to one another.
Living with depression, abuse, and other issues, they are inspired by Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga to be open about mental health issues while connecting to fellow Lovatics and Beliebers and Little Monsters online. They’re seeing #staystrong and #loveislouder and #butterflyproject hashtag messages. Drawing strength from other survivors, they are inspired to offer support, inviting strangers to message them for advice. It doesn’t matter that they have no experience or education. Desire and technology are enough.
These accounts have snowballed in recent months and I’m nowfollowing about 170, adding more daily. I’m not sure what the initial spark was, but they’re inspired by and following each other, leading to exponential growth, and they quickly gather hundreds of followers. #staystrong is the most popular hashtag but not the only one, and they’re not limited to fans of just one artist.

Sample profiles include:
“I’m just a 14 year old girl who self harms, yeah i’m kinda messed up, but i’m always here if anyone needs to talk.”

“Trying to be strong and recover, here to help, DM me xxx”

“16. Ana & Mia, Self-Harm, Depression, Suicide attempts. Now fully recovered. I live my life to assist others. DM, e-mail. Confidential.”

“hey i’m 13, i cut myself :( but you can ask me anything! i will be there for u!”

Peer support is a wonderful thing, growing as an organized, credentialed field, and includes some core concepts that these grassroots efforts lack. One is to already be in an advanced state of recovery, having received treatment and maintaining stability with ongoing support. Another is to be careful not to share your experiences in a way that can be triggering to the person you’re supporting.

You can’t save a drowning person if you’re not strong enough to swim. If someone is struggling against an urge to cut, but you’re tweeting that you just cut, that’s not helpful, and it can be the opposite. Also, if following accounts of hundreds of girls saying they want to cut, it will influence you to want to do it. Social influence – psychology and marketing tell us it has a strong impact. I asked one girl if this happens to her and she said yes but it was still worth it to help other people. But at 13, peer pressure is hard to fight.
With the best of intentions and armed with social media these young adults are reaching out to others who, like them, are desperate for help in dark times. Sometimes they inadvertently trigger each other by sharing trite and uninformed messages. Sometimes it’s by talking about eating disorder tribulations. Sometimes it’s about cutting. Scariest, though, is when it’s suicide. I’ve seen dialogues involving statements like, “Don’t do it! If you do it, I’m doing it too!” and “If she’s doing it, I’m doing it!” Suicide contagion is a real phenomenon that can result from reading about completed suicides, and reading suicidal thoughts from a live stranger can inspire people to form pacts, at worst, or feel more hopeless alone. They might not seek help. Especially if it’s coming from a place offering help.

There’s no way to guide or police these accounts, since they aren’t organized, and don’t violate any terms of service. Anyone can offer advice on Twitter — it’s free speech.

If anything it would be great to encourage youth to keep helping, study mental health and pursue it as a career. Suicide hotlines would love more volunteers, as well.

But teens aren’t using phones, they’re on Twitter and texting and IMing and services have not kept apace. Due to privacy, training, and technical constraints there are no official suicide prevention services on Twitter offering online counseling. Which is one reason why these do-it-yourself accounts exist: demand is there, but services are not. They’re filling a void. Another is that although some (non-Twitter) online services do exist (eg. CrisisChat, Teenlink), teens maybe don’t know it, marketing hasn’t reached them. In that case, tweeting links to services like those will help awareness spread.

I wonder what will happen from here. Certainly, teens will continue to help each other, trigger each other, and struggle through adolescence together as they grow up sharing new technology and adapting it to their own needs.

For more information visit:http://psychcentral.com

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Monday, August 26, 2013

Make Your Child Bully Proof


In this day and age, bullying is no longer a kid pushing around another kid on the playground, although that is still happening. It’s harassing, taunting, emotionally abusing and physically hurting another person to the point of doing irrevocable harm. We’ve all seen the mean girls fight videos on YouTube and read the news about the kids being shot or stabbed at school or teens committing suicide because they just can’t take it anymore. While bullying make still happen in schools across the country, its time it is no longer an accepted practice. Adults who are in charge need to step in and take care of the victim and address the issue with the perpetrators. Zero tolerance for any type of bullying needs to be practiced. Community service to the school teaches giving back and is a wonderfulconsequence when dealing with a bully.
An American Justice Department study shows 1 in 4 youths are bullied. Thirty percent (30%) of U.S. students in grades six through ten are involved in moderate or frequent bullying — as bullies, as victims, or as both. It really is enough of a problem for parents to start calling for action on the part of the schools their children and teens attend.
There are four types of bullying. It can be physical, verbal, emotional and cyber bullying. Bullying is defined as deliberate and hurtful behavior, usually repeated over a period of time. Bullying is almost always done to kids who are perceived to be more vulnerable than the bullies, or n the case of cyber bullies the anonymous factor leaves every child and teen vulnerable.
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning for your child and it may make going to school – or wherever the bully is - a miserable experience. Being bullied can make children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being bullied may develop stomach aches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.

What Parents Can Do to Help Their Child Deal with a Bully

If you think your child is having problems with a bully at school or in your neighborhood, there are things you can do to help them. Here is a list of ten tips that have been known to help parents help their child deal with bullies and mean girls:
  • Be on your child's side. Send this clear message to them by taking everything they say about what has happened to them seriously. Tell your child that you are going to help and reassure them that you can do something about this bullying problem. In this way, your child will feel more confident that the problem is not theirs alone and will be better able to handle it with your help.
  • Do not allow your child to place the blame of the incident on themselves. Reassure them that it is not their fault. Victims will sometime turn the fault in on themselves; help your child place the blame where it belongs, directly on the bully.
  • While it is natural to want to protect your child by solving the problem for him, it will serve your child better if you teach him how to solve the problem himself. By learning the skills to stand up for himself, he can use them in other situations.
  • Ask your child how she has been dealing with the bullying, talk about what else can be done and discuss what actions you can both take to solve the problem. Reassure her you will consult her before taking any action.
  • There are two problems at play when your child is dealing with a bully. One, your child's protection is of the utmost importance and two, your child learning to be confident that they can take care of their problems is important as well for future incidents. If your child is being physically threatened, you have no choice but to let someone know. But if your child is not being physically threatened, talk to them about ways they can handle the situations they are being placed in. Role play different situations and things that can be said to a bully, like "Leave me alone." then walking away.
  • Ask your child if they can hang out with friends when they normally see a bully. There is safety in numbers.
  • Encourage your child to be active in hobbies and other community activities so that they do develop some good friendships.
  • Sometimes teachers don't get the full scope of the problem and you will have to meet with them and their superiors to discuss it. If your child or teen is being harassed, you may also want to call in the police.
  • Throw out all of your old thoughts about bullying. It is not a normal part of childhood. Your child does not need to toughen up. Bullying is violent behavior that should not be tolerated.
    For more information visit: http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/bullying/a/bullyproof.htm


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    Sunday, August 25, 2013

    Latest Teen Trend--Trunking





    There’s concern that some California high school students practice "trunking." That’s when kids ride in the trunk of a moving car.
    Xavier Garcia, teen driver: "I remember I was in my younger days, I use to be the "trunkee". Now I’m the "trunker." I’ve got people in there." (laughs)
    But it’s not a laughing matter to these parents from Glendora, just east of Los Angeles. Their 15-year-old-son Chris Snyder and his friend Scott Atchinson were killed last year when they hitched a ride in the trunk of a Mazda Protégé. The driver crashed while making a lane change. The impact hurled the boys out of the trunk and onto the highway where other cars ran them over.
    Chris’s mother testified before the Assembly Transportation Committee yesterday, urging them to pass a no "trunking" law.
    Marsha Skubik, victim’s mother: "I believe in my heart that if my son Chris knew that riding in the trunk would be a serious crime, he would be here with me today."
    The no "trunking" proposal would fine teen violators $350 and put two points on their drivers license, essentially suspending it for six months.
    Assemblyman Dennis Mountjoy wrote the bill. He represents the district were the boys were killed.
    Assm. Dennis Mountjoy, R-Monrovia: "One of the most precious things to the young people is the license to drive. We have to stop this behavior. We have to stop people from putting themselves in that kind of dangerous situations."
    Teen drivers we spoke with understand the need for tougher laws.
    Joley Halby, teen driver: "It’s not safe because when they do that someone could rear end them and they can just die. So it’s not good."
    Under the current law, the driver of that Mazda that killed the two boys was fined $35.
    Marsha Skubik: "This is unacceptable for allowing two 15-year-old boys to be placed in a position that they could ultimately die. That’s $17.50 for each dead child."
    The California Attorneys for Criminal Justice opposes the bill because the group says the seat belt law already makes riding in a trunk illegal.
    Via ABC News

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    Saturday, August 24, 2013

    Teen dating violence more common than we think


    By Boua Xiong~St. Paul, Minn. NBC Kare 11 News 
    New research presented at the American Psychological Association's annual convention shows that about one in three teens have been victims of dating violence and one in three admit they've been violent towards a date.
    Researchers analyzed information from 1,058 teens collected by a national online survey between 2011 and 2012. The study defines abuse as physical, sexual or emotional violence.
    The study also found that girls are just as likely to be the abuser as they are to be victims. According to the data 41 percent of girls reported being victimized and 35 percent reported being the abuser. Meanwhile 37 percent of boys said they have been on the receiving end while 29 percent reported being the abuser.
    Jennifer Hutchings is all too familiar with the reality of teen dating violence. In February her 16-year-old daughter, Anna Hurd, was stabbed to death at Hillside Park in February. The murderer was 17-year old Anthony Mitchell, her boyfriend.
    "It's still very fresh for me and I still break down daily and cry for daughter," Hutchings said.
    Hurd tried to break it off with Mitchell. Prosecutors say that's when he stabbed her five times. Hutchings said Hurd never talked about any abuse but her friends saw all the signs.
    "Anthony went through her phone quite a bit according to her friends. She would always have to hand it over to him," Hutchings said.
    The National Dating Abuse Hotline says only 33 percent of teens who are in an abusive relationship ever tell anyone.
    Jody Cowdin is the executive director of the Dwelling Place, a transitional shelter for domestic abuse victims. She said the effects of young violent relationships can be long-term.
    "If that's what they've been witnessing that's what they will grow up to repeat unless we intervene, unless we offer them education in a different choice," Cowdin said. 
    As part of that education the Dwelling Place sends experts to talk to teens about dating violence. Cowdin even wrote a book called "A Kid's Guide to Understanding Domestic Abuse" to help the youngest victims break the cycle.
    Hurd's mother also turned her grief into writing. She's co-authoring a book about Hurd's story and hopes other teens will get out of violent relationships before it's too late.

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    Friday, August 23, 2013

    Self-Injury in Children and Teens


    By Leah Davies, M.Ed. ~ Kelly Bear/ Teacher Tips


    Catherine's elementary school teacher noticed cuts on Catherine's arm and asked what had happened. Catherine responded that she had fallen off her bike into some thorns. The teacher did not think any more about it. But later, she noted that Catherine always wore long-sleeved shirts and long pants even when it was hot outside. When Catherine's sleeve was pulled up accidentally, her arm revealed severe scars. Her teacher sought help by conferring with the school counselor, who then met with Catherine.

    In a calm manner, the counselor communicated understanding, empathy and caring for Catherine, thus establishing trust. The counselor asked questions to determine that the cuts were not physical child abuse by an older person, but self-inflicted. She avoided shaming Catherine by stating that she was not a bad person for hurting herself. When Catherine was unable to describe her behavior, the counselor asked if she could write down or draw what she does to herself when she is upset. The counselor's goal was to not criticize or coerce her into stopping because intimidation usually leads to increased self-hurting behavior, but to find the help she needed.

    Self-injury means deliberately hurting yourself without the intent to commit suicide. Other names for self-injury are cutting, self-harm, and self-mutilation. Most self-injurers feel ashamed of what they're doing and try to hide it from adults and friends. Since self-harm is done in private, it often goes undetected or is explained as being accidental.

    Though uncommon, children as young as preschool age have intentionally hurt themselves. Self-injurers come from a broad spectrum of social, economic and racial groups. They can range from being perfectionists to school dropouts. However, as young children, they usually have experienced abuse, neglect, violence, or trauma such as the death of a loved one or involvement in a car accident. They can be males or females, although most are females in their teens or older. A reason for this may be that males tend to display their aggression towards others or inanimate objects. Girls, on the other hand, tend to turn that hurt and pain inward toward themselves.

    Self-injurers often lack social skills and may be victims of teasing or bullying. In order to distract themselves from painful emotions, they inflict physical harm upon themselves. Self-injurers may begin with only scratching an insect bite or accidentally cutting their skin, but due to the sense of relief it brings, they continue to injure themselves. Some researchers theorize that the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, can contribute to continued self-injury. What young children have in common with older children and adolescents who hurt themselves is an inability to verbally express their feelings and needs.

    Individuals inflict pain upon themselves to:
    • Rapidly reduce the tension in their body and mind

      •
    • Relieve their emotional pain caused by feeling worthless, angry, fearful, abandoned, depressed, anxious, or trapped

      •
    • Feel pain that tells them they are "alive" thus warding off emotional detachment

      •
    • Regain control since turning mental and emotional pain into physical pain is easier for them to handle

      •
    • Punish themselves for real or perceived offenses like being bad, fat, ugly, stupid, or guilty (for example, a boy who feels guilty over the death of his brother may challenge a bigger boy to fight because he knows he will get hurt)

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    • Express anger/rage when words or outward actions are unacceptable or when the pain is too severe to put into words (for example, children may have been told that expressing an emotion is wrong, or they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts or feelings)

    The most common methods of self-injury are cutting with a razor blade or broken glass, scratching, picking a wound, burning skin, and pulling hair. Self-hitting and head-banging are usually associated with mentally delayed or autistic children. Excessive piercing or tattooing is not self-injury if the primary purpose is body decoration or to fit in with peers. 

    Some adults dismiss self-injurers as manipulators and attention seekers, but self-abuse is most often a hidden, secret problem. A myth is that self-abusers want to commit suicide. In fact, the opposite is true. The cutting helps them relieve emotions that might lead to suicide. However, a serious concern is that cutters risk danger each time they injure themselves. They may misjudge the depth of a cut or the wound may become infected. 

    If individuals who self-harm do not receive professional help, they may develop an addiction. Cutting or other self-injuries can be stopped, but the process usually takes a long time. A referral to a therapist who has expertise in this area typically needs to be made. Through therapy the self-injurers learn that is it okay to feel a variety of emotions and how to express them openly. A therapist teaches them alternative behaviors so that they can release their tension in harmless ways. Methods a therapist might share include relaxation and breathing techniques, meditation, exercise, art, writing, or singing. Support groups may also be beneficial. The self-injurer needs to understand the underlying motives for their behavior and take responsibility for, and control over, their actions. 
    What can parents and teachers do?
    • Respond to the child without judgment.

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    • Get him or her professional help.

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    • Model appropriate coping skills when stressed.

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    • Be a positive role model, avoiding violent and unhealthy behaviors.

    For More information visit:  http://www.kellybear.com/TeacherTips.html


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    Thursday, August 22, 2013

    Educate Yourself About Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia Sites


    Educating Yourself and Your Child On Pro-Anorexia and Pro-Bulimia sites



    By Kelly Burgess for Family.com

    Shannon Bonnette may be the exception to what experts say is the rule. She claims that pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia sites on the Internet, also known as pro-ana and pro-mia, are what made her realize that she had a serious problem and if she didn't get help she was probably going to die.

    "It was the dangers, not the tips or tricks or even the 'thinspiration' that I was unaware of even in my late teens and early 20s," says Bonnette, now 27. "For example, I never really considered the possibility that an anorexic could drop dead from an electrolyte imbalance. I always figured you slowly starved until you died, and I'd know long before I was in that much danger."

    What's most chilling about Bonnette's epiphany is that it didn't come until she was in her early 20s, just when the Internet was becoming readily accessible to the general population. Her eating disorder started when she was 8.

    History of Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia Sites

    One of the most alluring features of the Internet is its ability to bring together like-minded people for support and encouragement of their lifestyles and hobbies. In some cases, these may not be lifestyles or hobbies that are particularly healthy or socially acceptable, such as anorexia and bulimia. Dr. Edward Cumella, director of research for Remuda Ranch, a treatment center for eating disorders, says anorexics use these sites to validate their anorexia and share their experiences. Because their disorder is so all-encompassing, no one but another anorexic can appreciate what they're going through.

    "Many people with eating disorders, especially advanced eating disorders, are isolated by choice," says Dr. Cumella. "At first, people say they look great but as their weight loss continues, they begin to look thin and unhealthy and the same people who complimented them begin to be repelled by their appearance. The anorexic begins to feel that no one understands them because everyone around them is telling them they have lost too much weight. They are looking for someone to understand the energy they put into being anorexic."

    Quote from Pro-Ana Website
    In the early days of the Internet, these sites became very popular very quickly, but by 2001 they were also becoming increasingly visible. That's the year that pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia Web sites were featured both in Time Magazine and onThe Oprah Winfrey Show. Soon after, Yahoo and many other site hosts large and small shut down existing pro-ana/mia sites and banned new sites.

    Nowadays, they're harder to find, but they do still exist. Most of them feature tips for very low calorie eating, tricks for hiding weight loss and avoiding detection and treatment, and "thinspiration" in the form of photos of very thin women – almost all of whom are well-known celebrities such as Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan and Calista Flockhart.
    The dangers of these sites, says Dr. Alison Friedman, a licensed psychologist and supervisor of clinical training at the Renfrew Center, a nonprofit organization for education, prevention, research and treatment of eating disorders, is that not only can they push someone over the brink who may be on the verge of developing an eating disorder, but they can also undermine ongoing treatment.

    "What I see is that they pooh-pooh those girls whose families and friends are trying to get them help," says Dr. Friedman. "There's really an us versus them mentality, and this is particularly difficult with eating disorders because the person suffering from them is already generally very resistant to treatment.

    Walking a Thin Line

    Since the crackdown of 2001, many of the pro-ana sites have made the transition from being pro-ana to being pro-recovery, but experts say sites that claim to be helpful, such as Bonnette's site, Makayla's Healing Place, don't make a strong enough anti-anorexia statement. In addition, the few pro-ana sites still out there defend their existence by styling anorexia and bulimia as lifestyle choices rather than dangerous conditions that can kill.

    Dr. Friedman says pro-ana sites are taking less direct approaches to avoid being shut down by their site host companies. "There's been so much media attention and so much censorship that these sites are trying to find ways to navigate through that," says Dr. Friedman. "They accomplish that by saying that they don't advocate an unhealthy lifestyle, but they don't condemn it either. They're saying that if that's what you do, it's OK, and that will perpetuate the problem."
    Bonnette says that her site is deliberately non-judgmental because she feels that's the best way to reach an anorexic. She says they usually are dealing with so many people already who are trying to force them to eat or to recover that if she took a more judgmental tone it would scare them away and they would have nowhere to turn but strongly pro-ana sites. Her contention is joining a forum at a site like hers is better than face-to-face group therapy.

    "I believe that sufferers need to be able to speak openly, in a group setting among other sufferers, in order to recover," says Bonnette. "I believe the Internet is a better place to accomplish this because there is less of the 'competition' that occurs emotionally when individuals with eating disorders are all packed into the same room. That is a brutal experience, because you think everyone is thinner than you, even if they clearly are not."

    Face to Face

    People who've been there, like Bonnette, and experts such as Drs. Cumella and Friedman will probably never agree on the good versus evil arguments of online sites that either promote or don't condemn anorexia outright. But there are some things they they do agree upon that parents can do to help a child avoid an eating disorder or to get her help if she seems to be developing one:
    • Modeling Behavior. Bonnette had a very loving, supportive family, but her mother did not set a good example of healthy eating, which Bonnette suspects may have been at the root of her early eating problems. Dr. Cumella says that mothers obsessing constantly about weight are modeling poor body image for their daughter. Also, focusing on the child's looks or diet can cause anxiety. Instead, sit down as a family and serve well-balanced meals while promoting moderate, healthy exercise.
    • Communicate. Understand the dangers of eating disorders and be sure your children are aware of them. As Bonnette points out, she didn't realize an eating disorder could kill her until she started visiting pro-ana sites. Your children should hear that from you. Dr. Cumella points out that anorexia can also cause long-term bone loss and infertility and that most girls aren't aware of that either.
    • Take Action. If you suspect your child is developing an eating disorder, it's particularly important to talk to them about the health risks. If you think they already have one, see a counselor and start helping your child work toward recovery. Bonnette, as well as Drs. Friedman and Cumella, feel that if your child is visiting pro-ana sites, an eating disorder is probably already present.
    • Create a Family Space. Drs. Friedman and Cumella both note that kids probably shouldn't be allowed to hole up by themselves with a computer. Keep it in a common room, such as the family room or kitchen, where they can be easily monitored without necessarily feeling like they're being spied upon. This makes it easier for parents to track Internet sites their children are visiting. Also, time with the family in the same place, even if everyone's not all necessarily doing the same thing, goes a long way toward promoting overall mental health.
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