Managing eating disorders through the holiday season

BY ELIZABETH DEARMAS

EADEARMAS@MIAMIHERALD.COM

Miami Herald~Kelsey Hensel was everything a teenage girl would want to be. She was smart, had a great family and was a star athlete on her high school softball team.

She also was a master at hiding her deepest secret: Her battle with bulimia nervosa — an eating disorder characterized by binging on food, overeating, self-induced vomiting and abusing laxatives. It controlled her life throughout her teenage years.

Hensel started noticing her “weird relationship with food” when she was 12. By the time she was 14, she had begun binging and purging. Her mother, who was an alcoholic, died when she was 10.

“It wasn’t about appearance to me,” she said. “It was just my way of dealing with everything I had been through. The eating disorder was a relief at the time.”

The National Institute of Mental Health defines eating disorders as an illness that seriously affects one’s everyday diet. The three most common eating disorders are: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorders.

Individuals suffering from anorexia nervosa believe they are overweight — when they are typically underweight — and become obsessed with food and their weight.

Binge-eating disorder, unlike bulimia, doesn’t result in self-induced vomiting or the use of laxatives. Instead, people lose control of their eating and often end up becoming overweight or obese.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 20 million U.S. women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their lifetime.

Hensel’s eating disorder became progressively worse throughout the years. When it was time for her to leave for college, she thought she would be able to get over it. She couldn’t.

“I was very ashamed because I was so confident, had everything figured out, everyone looked up to me, so to admit that I wasn’t able to eat like a normal person was awful to me,” she said. “I was always a normal weight and that was one thing I felt was difficult for me. I felt like I had to look a certain way to be bad enough and that is horrible.”

After seven years of battling her addiction with bulimia – which would develop into anorexia and binge eating from time to time – she left college in 2011 and checked into The Renfrew Center of Florida in Coconut Creek, which treats people with eating disorders.

Today, the 23-year-old resident of Palm Beach Gardens is getting ready to graduate from college and is recovering. She has friends, has a relationship with her family and is in a 12-step program that helps her work on her recovery.

“Eating disorders are very powerful and they take a lot out of you,” she said. “I am happy to be alive, and I couldn’t say that three years ago.”

Dr. Rosa Gomez de Jesus, a pediatrician specializing in adolescent medicine at Miami Children’s Hospital, says the holidays can be very stressful for people suffering from eating disorders.

“They are going to have people asking them why they’re not eating or commenting on this or that or asking why they’re too skinny, so they get a little bit concerned and nervous about that,” she said.

Although no studies have quantified whether there is an uptick among people treated for eating disorders during the holiday season, Gomez de Jesus says the number of patients she sees increases during this time, from one to two patients to as many as eight or more.

Parents concerned that their child may be suffering from an eating disorder should look out for warning signs, experts say. These include not eating with the family, rearranging food to look as if it was eaten, preparing their own meals, commenting about their weight, over-exercising, becoming obsessed with food magazines or television channels and preferring to be alone a lot.

Physical symptoms include rapid weight loss, dry skin, thinning hair, fainting spells, fatigue, weakness, irregular or no menstrual cycles and the inability to regulate body temperature, which can result in the child often complaining about being cold.

Jennifer Caceres, a registered dietician, says the pressure of feeling that you have to eat the food because a family member cooked it can exacerbate the stress during the holidays.

“Eating doesn’t mean you are going to be overweight or get fat,” she said. “You have to have a balance. That is what we try to reinforce and emphasize with patients.”

Hensel remembers the holidays being especially difficult for her. She says she spent hours obsessing about herself and her addiction, and brooded that she couldn’t enjoy the holidays of her dreams.

“It is important to have a supportive family member or loved one who is going to be with you through the holidays,” she said. “You should be able to share your thoughts with this person. Let them know that you might need their help, and reach out.”

She also advised that people who suffer from eating disorders should give themselves a break, and try to treat the holiday like any other day. As part of this strategy, she suggested engaging in fun activities with the family to get one’s mind off the food.

“Striving for perfection isn’t realistic,” she said. “Deviating from your plan is okay. A lot of people with eating disorders set these strict guidelines and end up setting themselves up for failure.”

Dr. Heather Maio, assistant vice president of clinical services and clinical director of The Renfrew Center of Florida, says that it is important for family members to be patient and supportive.

“Extra support needs to be in place,” she said. “Be kind, especially during the holidays, when everything is stressful and busy and there are a lot of guests in the house. Know that recovery is possible.”

Although treatment options vary depending on the severity of the individual’s case, a multidisciplinary approach – a combination of therapy and medication – is the most effective way to treat eating disorders.

Dr. Daniel Bober, the medical director of pediatric psychiatry at Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital in Hollywood, says parents can unknowingly put pressure on their children when they talk to them about food and appearance.

“Even one conversation about saying they’re looking fat or that they need to cut back has such a tremendous impact,” he said. “So much of the child’s self-esteem comes from the parent’s acceptance of them.”

Instead, he said, focus on the aspects of your child that are healthy. This way, you can build them up from the inside out, not the outside in, he said.

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  Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/11/25/3779322/managing-eating-disorders-through.html#storylink=cpy

5 Ways to Deal With Teens and Alcohol Over the Holidays

By Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D. for GalTime.com

Huffington Post~Yes, we all want to be merry around the holidays. We want to celebrate or forget the past year, hope for the best for the coming year and celebrate the holidays themselves.

The last thing we want to bring to the proverbial holiday table is a dish of teen troubles.

There is a lot of alcohol around during the holidays. The alcohol is often right near the soda or other drinks at get-togethers... or even near the milk in the fridge.

Yes, often, teens tell me that they get their alcohol at home. I am worried about teens having easier access to alcohol during the holidays and THAT leading to a number of problems including: car accidents, aggression, bad judgment when making decisions, impulsive and reckless behavior and getting injured and/or overdosing.

So, what's a parent to do?

1. Monitor the amount of alcohol in your home.

2. Monitor your own level of alcohol intake. Your kids are watching you.

3. Let your kids know that if there is even a suggestion that they may be drinking, and especially drinking and driving, that you will take the car keys away.

4. Check backpacks as they leave your house and as they arrive home. Teens often use the trick of putting alcohol in their water bottles.

5. Be awake and around to see what kind of condition your kids are in when they arrive home at night. While you are at it, check to see what their breath smells like.

Holidays may be a time for you and your kids to celebrate and be merry, but it is certainly not a time to lower your guard and let the alcohol flow. Watch yourself and your kids. There are all kinds of wonderful ways to have fun without drinking to excess.

Have a happy, safe holiday season!

Holiday Suicides: Fact or Myth?

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention~The idea that suicides occur more frequently during the holiday season is a long perpetuated myth. The Annenberg Public Policy Center has been tracking media reports on suicide since 2000. A recent analysis found that 50% of articles written during the 2009–2010 holiday season perpetuated the myth.¹

CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics reports that the suicide rate is, in fact, the lowest in December.² The rate peaks in the spring and the fall. This pattern has not changed in recent years. The holiday suicide myth supports misinformation about suicide that might ultimately hamper prevention efforts.

Suicide remains a major public health problem, one that occurs throughout the year. It is the 10th leading cause of death for all Americans. Each year, more than 36,000 people take their own lives.² In addition, more than 374,000 are treated in emergency departments for self-inflicted injuries.²

CDC works to prevent suicidal behavior before it initially occurs. Some of CDC’s activities include:

1. Monitoring suicidal behavior;
2. Conducting research to identify the factors that put people at risk for suicide;
3. Conducting research to identify the factors that protect people from suicide;
4. Developing and evaluating prevention programs.

Cyber-Bullying, Social Media, and Parental Responsibility

By Sam Fiorella

Huffington Post~The issue of bullying has been thrust into the national spotlight once again thanks to a rash of new teen bullying stories making the news. This despite the abundance of celebrity public service announcements, documentaries on the subject, and the so-called "zero-tolerance" policies adopted by many school boards.

The sad reality is that all our efforts are being thwarted by the growing popularity of social media, the proliferation of social networks, and the access teens have to more Internet-connected devices. The most recent story making the rounds on cable news and the Internet is Rebecca Sedwick, of Lakeland, Fla., who jumped from a cement factory tower on September 9th, 2013.

While only two girls were arrested for bullying, which allegedly caused Sedwick to commit suicide, authorities claim that Rebecca was "terrorized" relentlessly for months by as many as 15 girls, both physically and online. One message posted to Rebecca's profile on social networks said that she should "drink bleach and die.'' Rebecca's mother closed her Facebook account and moved Rebecca to another school but thanks to social media, the cyber-bulling continued.

In an unrelated case, a girl with special needs in Texas is being bullied mercilessly by her classmates via text messages. Shea Shawhan, 18, a junior at Plano West Senior High School, suffers from seizures due to a brain injury she suffered birth. Despite her seizures, Shea participates in sports and is a member of the school's cheerleading squad. Instead of being inspired by -- and celebrating the achievements of -- Shea, her school mates are bullying her instead.

From one of the texts:

"Shea should just have one of her fucking seizures and die because people at west don't want her. That's the reason she has seizures, because that's karma for giving birth to a freaky slut."

Keri Riddell, Shea's mother, noticed the texts and reported the situation to the police. In addition, she accompanies her daughter during free periods at school to prevent any physical abuse from occurring. Riddell changed her daughter's cell number but the texts are still coming in to her new number.

Social Networks and Technology Exacerbating the Issue

For every step forward we take in raising awareness of the negative effects of bullying in our schools, bullies seem to find more channels by which to terrorize their peers and more hatred to motivate them. Can they be stopped?

In the two cases listed above, the parents of the teens being bullied took extraordinary steps such as closing a Facebook account, changing phone numbers, physically accompanying their children during school hours, and changing schools. Yet, in both cases, as with so many other similar stories across America, the bullying continued.

Adding to the problem is the fact that many social networks allow users to create anonymous profiles. How can parents intervene or adequately report bullying while this practice continues? We can close our children's Facebook account but often they've already moved on to newer social platforms such as Ask.fm or Kik Messenger. We must be ever vigilant in protecting our children from bullies but what responsibility do the parents of those doing the bullying have?

Parents' Responsibility

In most cases of cyber-bullying, parents reject the accusations that their children could perpetrate such heinous acts. The father of one of the girls accused of bullying Rebecca Sedwick claimed that "none of it is true... my daughter's a good girl and I'm 100 percent sure that whatever they're saying about my daughter is not true," despite the proof the Sheriff claims to possess. While I'm happy to see that Lakeland's sheriff has charged the girls who allegedly bullied Sedwick, what consequences, if any, will their parents face?

What role have the parents of bullies played in these cases? Why are parents giving young children smart phones with 24/7 access to social networks? More importantly, why are they not diligently monitoring their kids' online activity? Pre-teens typically don't have the funds or ability to purchase Internet-enabled devices or authorize Internet and mobile contracts for access to social networks. If parents are going to provide such access to their children, they must be held accountable for their online activities, including cyber-bullying.

"Eraser Bill" -- Get Out of Jail Free Card

There doesn't seem to be enough emphasis on the social responsibility of owning Internet-connected devices or the actions taken through them. In fact, California teenagers now have the legal right to erase their online indiscretions under newly approved legislation. The so-called "eraser bill," which became law on October 14th, 2013, will require all social media websites to allow California children under age 18 to remove their own postings as of January 2015.

The intent of the law is to provide an opportunity for minors to delete any "digital skeletons in their closet" that could harm their reputations, their chances of getting into college or future employment opportunities. The law would also apply to posts that bully and harass other teens, in essence telling them, "Do what you want; you can erase it later and claim no responsibility."

How Do We Stop Cyber-Bullying?

We live in a politically correct world where protecting the names and privacy of students is sacred but what about the protection of kids that are being bullied? Should there not be an exception to this rule for social networks and school boards?

Why not:

• Force parents to take responsibility for the actions of their children on social networks, especially when they enable that access.
• Criminalize cyber-bullying and enforce steeper penalties for teens who bully others.
• Mandate that social networks post anti-bullying public service announcements and bullying hotline phone numbers.
• Require social networks and text-messaging services to install contextual monitoring to discover and report/block bullying comments as they happen.
• Repeal laws that allow teens to "erase their mistakes."

If we're going to have a zero-tolerance policy on this issue, then let's really have one. We can't be half-assed about it. Teens are committing suicide and we're too often left scratching our heads wondering what could have been done to prevent it.

Bipolar Disorder in Children and Teens

Does your child go through intense mood changes?

National Institute of Mental Health~Does your child have extreme behavior changes too? Does your child get too excited or silly sometimes? Do you notice he or she is very sad at other times? Do these changes affect how your child acts at school or at home?

Some children and teens with these symptoms may have bipolar disorder, a serious mental illness. Read this brochure to find out more.

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a serious brain illness. It is also called manic-depressive illness. Children with bipolar disorder go through unusual mood changes. Sometimes they feel very happy or "up," and are much more active than usual. This is called mania. And sometimes children with bipolar disorder feel very sad and "down," and are much less active than usual. This is called depression.

Bipolar disorder is not the same as the normal ups and downs every kid goes through. Bipolar symptoms are more powerful than that. The illness can make it hard for a child to do well in school or get along with friends and family members. The illness can also be dangerous. Some young people with bipolar disorder try to hurt themselves or attempt suicide.

Children and teens with bipolar disorder should get treatment. With help, they can manage their symptoms and lead successful lives.

Who develops bipolar disorder?

Anyone can develop bipolar disorder, including children and teens. However, most people with bipolar disorder develop it in their late teen or early adult years. The illness usually lasts a lifetime.

How is bipolar disorder different in children and teens than it is in adults?

When children develop the illness, it is called early-onset bipolar disorder. This type can be more severe than bipolar disorder in older teens and adults. Also, young people with bipolar disorder may have symptoms more often and switch moods more frequently than adults with the illness.

What causes bipolar disorder?

Several factors may contribute to bipolar disorder, including:

• Genes, because the illness runs in families. Children with a parent or sibling with bipolar disorder are more likely to get the illness than other children.
• Abnormal brain structure and brain function.
• Anxiety disorders. Children with anxiety disorders are more likely to develop bipolar disorder.

The causes of bipolar disorder aren't always clear. Scientists are studying it to find out more about possible causes and risk factors. This research may help doctors predict whether a person will get bipolar disorder. One day, it may also help doctors prevent the illness in some people.

What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?

Bipolar mood changes are called "mood episodes." Your child may have manic episodes, depressive episodes, or "mixed" episodes. A mixed episode has both manic and depressive symptoms. Children and teens with bipolar disorder may have more mixed episodes than adults with the illness.

Mood episodes last a week or two—sometimes longer. During an episode, the symptoms last every day for most of the day.

Mood episodes are intense. The feelings are strong and happen along with extreme changes in behavior and energy levels.

Children and teens having a manic episode may:

• Feel very happy or act silly in a way that's unusual
• Have a very short temper
• Talk really fast about a lot of different things
• Have trouble sleeping but not feel tired
• Have trouble staying focused
• Talk and think about sex more often
• Do risky things.

Children and teens having a depressive episode may:

• Feel very sad
• Complain about pain a lot, like stomachaches and headaches
• Sleep too little or too much
• Feel guilty and worthless
• Eat too little or too much
• Have little energy and no interest in fun activities
• Think about death or suicide.

Do children and teens with bipolar disorder have other problems?

Bipolar disorder in young people can co-exist with several problems.

• Substance abuse. Both adults and kids with bipolar disorder are at risk of drinking or taking drugs.
• Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. Children with bipolar disorder and ADHD may have trouble staying focused.
• Anxiety disorders, like separation anxiety. Children with both types of disorders may need to go to the hospital more often than other people with bipolar disorder.
• Other mental illnesses, like depression. Some mental illnesses cause symptoms that look like bipolar disorder. Tell a doctor about any manic or depressive symptoms your child has had.

Sometimes behavior problems go along with mood episodes. Young people may take a lot of risks, like drive too fast or spend too much money. Some young people with bipolar disorder think about suicide. Watch out for any sign of suicidal thinking. Take these signs seriously and call your child's doctor.

How is bipolar disorder diagnosed?

An experienced doctor will carefully examine your child. There are no blood tests or brain scans that can diagnose bipolar disorder. Instead, the doctor will ask questions about your child's mood and sleeping patterns. The doctor will also ask about your child's energy and behavior. Sometimes doctors need to know about medical problems in your family, such as depression or alcoholism. The doctor may use tests to see if an illness other than bipolar disorder is causing your child's symptoms.

How is bipolar disorder treated?

Right now, there is no cure for bipolar disorder. Doctors often treat children who have the illness in a similar way they treat adults. Treatment can help control symptoms. Treatment works best when it is ongoing, instead of on and off.

1. Medication. Different types of medication can help. Children respond to medications in different ways, so the type of medication depends on the child. Some children may need more than one type of medication because their symptoms are so complex. Sometimes they need to try different types of medicine to see which are best for them.

Children should take the fewest number and smallest amounts of medications as possible to help their symptoms. A good way to remember this is "start low, go slow". Always tell your child's doctor about any problems with side effects. Do not stop giving your child medication without a doctor's help. Stopping medication suddenly can be dangerous, and it can make bipolar symptoms worse.

2. Therapy. Different kinds of psychotherapy, or "talk" therapy, can help children with bipolar disorder. Therapy can help children change their behavior and manage their routines. It can also help young people get along better with family and friends. Sometimes therapy includes family members.

What can children and teens expect from treatment?

With treatment, children and teens with bipolar disorder can get better over time. It helps when doctors, parents, and young people work together.

Sometimes a child's bipolar disorder changes. When this happens, treatment needs to change too. For example, your child may need to try a different medication. The doctor may also recommend other treatment changes. Symptoms may come back after a while, and more adjustments may be needed. Treatment can take time, but sticking with it helps many children and teens have fewer bipolar symptoms.

You can help treatment be more effective. Try keeping a chart of your child's moods, behaviors, and sleep patterns. This is called a "daily life chart" or "mood chart." It can help you and your child understand and track the illness. A chart can also help the doctor see whether treatment is working.

How can I help my child or teen?

Help your child or teen get the right diagnosis and treatment. If you think he or she may have bipolar disorder, make an appointment with your family doctor to talk about the symptoms you notice.

If your child has bipolar disorder, here are some basic things you can do:

• Be patient
• Encourage your child to talk, and listen to him or her carefully
• Be understanding about mood episodes
• Help your child have fun
• Help your child understand that treatment can help him or her get better.

How does bipolar disorder affect parents and family?

Taking care of a child or teenager with bipolar disorder can be stressful for you too. You have to cope with the mood swings and other problems, such as short tempers and risky activities. This can challenge any parent. Sometimes the stress can strain your relationships with other people, and you may miss work or lose free time.

If you are taking care of a child with bipolar disorder, take care of yourself too. If you keep your stress level down you will do a better job. It might help your child get better too.

Where do I go for help?

If you're not sure where to get help, call your family doctor. You can also check the phone book for mental health professionals. Hospital doctors can help in an emergency.

For more information visit: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder-in-children-and-teens-easy-to-read/index.shtml

New Strategy to Combat Teen Depression, Suicide

By RICK NAUERT PHD Senior News Editor

Psych Central~Experts say building relationships and emphasizing strong connections with family, schools and the community are key strategies to protect against teen depression and suicide.

The connections are essential as a new paper reports that depression and suicide are “intricately intertwined among teens.”

Researchers say untreated depression is one of the leading causes of teen suicide, and signs of depression can also be a warning that a teen is contemplating suicide. In a new article in the journal The Prevention Researcher, University of Cincinnati researchers describe how positive connections can help offset these tragedies.

UC researchers Drs. Keith King, a professor of health promotion, and Rebecca Vidourek, an assistant professor of health promotion, discuss the link between teen depression and suicide by reviewing three specific categories that are warning signs:

• Behavioral warning signs – Traits that teens may display when contemplating suicide include difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping; changes in school performance; loss of interest in once pleasurable activities; giving away cherished possessions; expressing thoughts of death or suicide;
• Verbal warning signs – Verbal statements include, “I want to die;” “I don’t want to be a burden anymore; “My family would be better off without me”;
• Stressful life events – A traumatic event for the teen, such as a breakup, parental divorce or loss of a loved one.

King and Vidourek also focus on national research that finds that gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered teenagers are at an elevated risk for depression and suicide. These risk factors could reflect a lack of support systems and social acceptance, as well as greater isolation among peers for these groups.

The UC researchers say building strong connections with family, schools and the community are key to protection against depression and teen suicide.

“Research clearly indicates family connectedness helps to prevent teen suicide, even if teens are socially isolated from peers,” write the authors.

They add that because teens spend such a large amount of time in school, schools should adopt prevention and intervention programs that include education, early detection and followup programs to address teen depression and suicide.

“As research indicates, the key component to effective depression/suicide prevention is the development of positive social and emotional connections among teens and supportive adults,” the authors conclude in the article.

“Thus, getting teens positively connected to positive people and positive situations should remain the goal.”

For more information visit: http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/11/16/new-strategy-to-combat-teen-depression-suicide/47809.html

Effectively Parenting Teens: Leading by Example

Sandra Dupont

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Huffington Post~The foundation of effective parenting is leading by example. When children observe how we treat them and others, they learn how to behave. A parent's interaction with their child literally impacts their child's brain development, and parenting styles can be passed down through generations. In our society, shaming is an accepted parenting tool for controlling kids. Many children hear shaming and humiliating messages all day long: comparisons with siblings or other kids, the mocking of their age and abilities or comments that just make them feel stupid or inferior. I would like to invite our society to relearn respect and civility, both of which start at home.

As parents, we are responsible for modeling self-respect and respect for others. When we treat children with respect, they learn to treat themselves and others respectfully. Our body language, facial expressions, the tone and volume of our voice, threatening violence, withholding affection, rejecting behavior, using demeaning words or physical punishment definitely impact a child's self-esteem and can teach them aggressive behavior. The foundation of any respectful argument involves avoiding the following: raising your voice, swearing, name-calling and pointing your finger in the other person's face.

Conscious parenting involves pausing before speaking or acting to evaluate whether our words or actions are necessary. (Will your words or actions truly help the situation?) Encouraging your child should never include a demeaning or threatening word, act, or deed, nor should it cause them to lose their dignity or self-respect. Instead, encouragement should provide a shift upward in their sense of self, guiding the child toward a path of hope, inspiration and possibility.

When children act out, disobey, behave rudely or display disturbing emotions, it's easy to dismiss them or their behavior as "bad" or "wrong"; however, as we go about redirecting and disciplining our children, it's helpful to see these behaviors as a child's best attempt to meet a need. It calls upon us to look at our relationship with our child, and find the source of their unmet need.

When a child becomes a teen and begins forming a separate identity, the parental role changes. Parents must make the transition from providing for all their child's needs to coaching their teen to manage their own frustrations and needs. Although it may be challenging to cope with the willfulness, clinging or demands typical of this period, parents need to deal with expressed aggression and dependence in a straightforward, honest way that affirms the dignity and power of both parent and child. The parent who resents and cannot tolerate their teen choosing to defy them by expressing their autonomy and wanting to do things independently will make that child feel as though the price of their own freedom is abandonment and loss of love.

Here are some thoughts why teens and parents have difficulty navigating the teen years, and suggestions for a more graceful passage:

1. Teens feel conditionally loved: "I'm OK only if I live up to your expectations."
2. Parents don't allow teens to learn from failure, an excellent motivator. 
3. Teens don't learn time management skills simply through the creation of "daily routine" charts. 
4. Parents gift their children too many things and then wonder why teens are not only unappreciative, they also want more.
5. Teens don't learn problem-solving skills when parents lecture them.
6. Parents don't always know how to calmly and simply say, "I love you, and the answer is no."
7. Refrain from thinking that in order to make teens do better, you first have to make them feel worse. Instead, be kind and firm while holding them accountable.
8. Parents too often tell their teen what to do rather than inviting them to brainstorm solutions that that will work for everyone.
9. Parents expect teens to "remember to do their chores" as though it were an indicator of responsibility. Yet not all responsible adults were responsible teens. 
10. Parents are often more interested in short-term results than long-term results. For example: I'll force you to do your homework now even if it means you will not do your best because you are rebelling.
11. Parents nag, which invites resistance. Instead, allow teens to explore for themselves the relevance of what you want them to do.

During the teen years, it is vital that parents understand their teen's behavior rather than merely react to it. Being a "drill sergeant" or a "helicopter parent" gives teens the message that you don't trust them to do things on their own and undermines their self-esteem, which prevents them from developing confidence in their own abilities. Successfully navigating this phase of life involves setting boundaries and enforcing consequences without becoming punitive, angry, or judgmental. Respectful parenting means being able to see the frustrations teens encounter when pushing against imposed boundaries as opportunities for them to exercise self-control, self-respect and respect for others.

It has be said that: "While not all teachers are parents, all parents are teachers." Good character traits like empathy and respect are teachable skills that must be learned at home and at school. When we teach children to be good people we help create a world that is safer, kinder and more equitable.

For more information visit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sandra-dupont/parenting-teens_b_1959383.html

Teens Arrested for Allegedly Letting Friend Drive Drunk

CNN New Day~In case out of Connecticut that could have dramatic ripple effects regarding legal responsibility, two 17-year-old boys have been arrested for allegedly allowing a friend to drive drunk.

“Seventeen-year-old Jane Modlesky was driving alone in Glastonbury, Connecticut when she crashed the SUV she was driving into a tree in July and was killed,” reports CNN’s Pamela Brown.

“Her blood alcohol level, according to police, was .27, three times the legal adult alcohol limit.”

After a thorough investigation, police arrested two of the four teenagers who were driving with Modelsky– holding them accountable for allowing her to drive drunk, and charging them with reckless endangerment.

Agent James Kennedy of Glastonbury Police says, "These two juveniles knew that she was intoxicated, knew she shouldn't have been driving and allowed her to drive"

“Glastonbury police say the two teens were the last to get out of the car, leaving Modelsky to get behind the wheel and drive herself off. She drove only half a mile before crashing,” Brown reports.

Posted by CNN Staff  For more information visit: http://newday.blogs.cnn.com/2013/12/09/teens-arrested-for-allegedly-letting-friend-drive-drunk/

Teen Trust and Responsibility: Things to Remember

Family Education

From Keys to Parenting Your Teenager by Don Fontenelle, Ph.D. 

1. Although communication between parent and teenager is extremely important, children do not necessarily develop responsible attitudes and behaviors as a result of conversation or discussion. Some teenagers first have to be helped to establish the behavior (i.e., get in the habit of doing something) and then the attitude follows.
2. Avoid excessive lecturing, discussions, hollering, and other negative verbal interaction.
3. State the rule and the consequence of the behavior ahead of time. By doing this, you place responsibility for the teenager's actions on his shoulders. If unpleasant things happen to him, he is the cause. Conversely, if good things happen, it is also his responsibility. Be sure to state the rule and the consequence at the same time. Avoid random disciplining and determining the consequence after a rule is broken. Tie the consequence directly to the behavior, and make the teen responsible for his rewards and pleasures, as well as his punishments and disappointments. Avoid having things happen out of the blue - that is, avoid dispensing punishments or rewards that have nothing to do with the adolescent's behavior.
4. Try to avoid power struggles and forcing the adolescent to perform certain tasks. If you battle the teenager to make him conform to your request, you are more responsible for the task being completed than he is.
5. Lose a few battles, but win the war. In the beginning, the important thing in developing responsibility may be not that the task is completed, but that the teenager experiences the consequences of his behavior and feels responsible for what happens to him. In some cases, getting the task accomplished may actually be the last thing the parent is trying to do. The first step is to make the youngster aware that there will be different consequences to his behavior. The second is to teach the adolescent that he is responsible for what happens to him. The third is to make the child aware that you will consistently follow through with what the teenager decides. The final thing you are trying to accomplish is to get the task completed. To reiterate: Getting the adolescent to complete the task is not as important as making him feel that he is responsible for what happens to him.
6. After the expectations and consequences are clearly stated and the teenager makes a decision that will result either in negative consequences or in not receiving positive consequences, he may try to blame others for what has happened: for example, "It's your fault that I didn't get my license" or "You're making me miss the dance on Friday night." If the adolescent uses this tactic, simply tell him, "It was your decision. It's your responsibility. You knew what was going to happen to you before you did what you did. I'm only following through with what you told me to do."
7. Avoid lengthy, harsh, or major consequences. Rather than have one major consequence occur, it may be better if the youngster experiences twenty small consequences.
8. Meeting a teenager's every need or desire, giving her everything she wants, letting her have her way, spoiling her, and protecting her from experiencing the consequences of her behavior will usually interfere with the development of responsible behaviors.
9. Do not allow an adolescent to become excessively dependent on you, and do not assume responsibility for his behavior. This type of parent-child interaction makes it difficult for children to learn independent and responsible behaviors.
10. Giving a teenager duties and chores around the house will not by itself develop responsibility, but it will help.
11. If an adolescent has behaved in a manner that causes you not to trust her, you must eventually give her the opportunity to reestablish the trust, by restoring some privileges and giving her some freedom. But the teenager then has to do what she says she is going to do in order for the trust to develop again. You may have to check up on her at times. Checking up does not necessarily mean that you do not trust your child, but that you are engaging in a behavior that will allow you to develop more trust in her.

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